Infidelity. On a normal context it would comprise of marital disloyalty; adultery. But have you ever thought about infidelity in the larger context? Infidelity in the terms of the mind?
This is something which has got my mind working for quiet a while.
When I am talking about infidelity of the mind, there are two aspects of it.
One aspect is infidelity in its normal sense, where it is sexual in nature. But unlike the usual scenario, this is sexual yet not physical.
How many times have this happened that you see a absolutely drop dead gorgeous person and you just can't help but get those mundane areas of the brain kick into active frenzy of fantasies? You may not do anything physical about it, but would it be still infidelity? To think about anyone other than your beau in a sexual manner? Is it adultery of the mind? Or is adultery just adultery when physical contact is made?
Another take of the same scenario is even more baffling. This situation is common in relationships where the sexual chemistry is disastrous. But as love making is quintessential for the survival of a relationship, the person has no choice but to fantasize about others in bed when making love to their beau. I would say that this is the worst case of infidelity. But, the other person in the relationship may not be even aware of it. Even if he is, would this be eligible to be classified as infidelity? Fantasizing somebody other than your beau in bed?
The second aspect of infidelity of the mind is something which fascinates me and gets me probing. This has nothing sexual about it. This aspect is in every sense what actual infidelity of the mind is all about. When you get so close to a person, that you would discuss things of utmost importance with them, but would find it unnecessary to do the same with your beau. Would this be grounds fair enough for infidelity?
When you think about this, it is something which happens quite on a normal basis actually. Hardly anybody considers this as infidelity, simply for the fact that they don't think of it as adulterous which in turn is unfair a ground to be accused of infidelity as per its definition. But, I seriously believe that people should think about it deeply and answer.
I believe that fidelity of the mind is much more important than fidelity of the body. After all, a relationship is primarily a connection of two minds. The physicality is just an expression of this connection; isn't it?
When two people are in love, it said that they should share their body, mind and soul. So why is it that disloyalty in only one element of it namely the body is considered as infidelity?
Infidelity is infidelity. Period.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
A friend, a lover, a friend?
Have you ever had a friend with whom you shared everything under the roof? A friend with whom you shouted with joy, cried your heart out, criticised more than appreciated? If so, how many times have you confused deep intense friendship as love?
It is to be taken for granted that no two people can remain best friends without love. Many a times, it so happens that one confuses the love we have as a friend as the love of lovers. It is also true that at some point of time, we did see our friends as a potential lover. It is highly unlikely that you haven't had a crush on your best friend. But whether things didn't work out for various reasons and the friendship remained just friendship is a different matter.
I firmly believe that a lover can never be your best friend and your best friend can never be your lover. There will always be things you definitely wouldn't be comfortable talking about with your lover; particularly if the matter concerns them. At the same time there are things which you can never tell your friend but can comfortably talk about with your lover. It is almost impossible to merge the both into a single being as both have different purposes in life.
I am not saying that best friends can never turn into lovers. On the contrary, the probability of them turning into lovers is extremely high. However, the minute they turn into your lover, they begin loosing their status as the best friend. The post of the best friend would slowly be occupied by another close friend. For, if your lover is your best friend, I believe the romance would end there. Whats even worse would be the fact that there would be no relationship counselor!!
Even tough a lover and a best friend is two sides of the same coin, they are two different sides! A lover is a lover and a best friend is a best friend. Period.
It is to be taken for granted that no two people can remain best friends without love. Many a times, it so happens that one confuses the love we have as a friend as the love of lovers. It is also true that at some point of time, we did see our friends as a potential lover. It is highly unlikely that you haven't had a crush on your best friend. But whether things didn't work out for various reasons and the friendship remained just friendship is a different matter.
I firmly believe that a lover can never be your best friend and your best friend can never be your lover. There will always be things you definitely wouldn't be comfortable talking about with your lover; particularly if the matter concerns them. At the same time there are things which you can never tell your friend but can comfortably talk about with your lover. It is almost impossible to merge the both into a single being as both have different purposes in life.
I am not saying that best friends can never turn into lovers. On the contrary, the probability of them turning into lovers is extremely high. However, the minute they turn into your lover, they begin loosing their status as the best friend. The post of the best friend would slowly be occupied by another close friend. For, if your lover is your best friend, I believe the romance would end there. Whats even worse would be the fact that there would be no relationship counselor!!
Even tough a lover and a best friend is two sides of the same coin, they are two different sides! A lover is a lover and a best friend is a best friend. Period.
Friday, December 29, 2006
When Love Fails...
Lying down in my bed, listening to songs; never did I imagine that I would start crying. No, it wasn't the song which made me cry. But, the emotions that I had associated the song with.
How many times has this happened that certain songs, certain places, certain books become the defining moments of a relationship? How many times have we in the excitement of love made the otherwise mundane stuff of life into things which can deeply affect our well being? Why is it that we associate things around us with the person we love? The song you first shared your dance and kiss. The restaurant where you had your first date. The book you gifted her on your first anniversary. Those times of the day when you would be on the phone talking endlessly with her?
Its all absolutely fine till things start going wrong. The very song which used to bring a smile will start making you cry or irritated depending upon who broke up with whom. But why? Why is it that the emotions which once used to be associated with change? Cant the emotions remain same irrespective of the fact whether the relationship has survived time? Or is it an attempt by the mind to move on? To disassociate from everything so that the person understands that the love has ended and accept it?
Can love ever end? If it does; was it really love or some other emotion which was mistook as love? No matter how hard we try... to hate, to loathe, to forget or run away. The memories, it will always come back to us. This is why we unintentionally associate love with the relatively unimportant stuff in life. For, love can never end even though the intensity of it might change. So, the next time we hear a song which was dedicated to the person we loved whether we choose to cry or smile on it depends upon on our understanding of love.
Nobody knows why certain things work and certain things don't. What we as humans can do is accept the realities of life and move forward. No matter what happens; one thing is sure, love is indeed the epitome of anything that is human. It might fail miserably... but never will it end.
How many times has this happened that certain songs, certain places, certain books become the defining moments of a relationship? How many times have we in the excitement of love made the otherwise mundane stuff of life into things which can deeply affect our well being? Why is it that we associate things around us with the person we love? The song you first shared your dance and kiss. The restaurant where you had your first date. The book you gifted her on your first anniversary. Those times of the day when you would be on the phone talking endlessly with her?
Its all absolutely fine till things start going wrong. The very song which used to bring a smile will start making you cry or irritated depending upon who broke up with whom. But why? Why is it that the emotions which once used to be associated with change? Cant the emotions remain same irrespective of the fact whether the relationship has survived time? Or is it an attempt by the mind to move on? To disassociate from everything so that the person understands that the love has ended and accept it?
Can love ever end? If it does; was it really love or some other emotion which was mistook as love? No matter how hard we try... to hate, to loathe, to forget or run away. The memories, it will always come back to us. This is why we unintentionally associate love with the relatively unimportant stuff in life. For, love can never end even though the intensity of it might change. So, the next time we hear a song which was dedicated to the person we loved whether we choose to cry or smile on it depends upon on our understanding of love.
Nobody knows why certain things work and certain things don't. What we as humans can do is accept the realities of life and move forward. No matter what happens; one thing is sure, love is indeed the epitome of anything that is human. It might fail miserably... but never will it end.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Life, Ideals and the City!
The idea of the influence of a city that you spent your childhood, growing up, on you ideals and values never crossed my mind before. Not before I came across a certain university application my cousin was filling. It appeared relatively simple : Please tell us about where you have grown up. How has it contributed to the way you hope to influence the world?
But, when I sat and thought about it... I remembered that what appears on the surface is not necessarily true. This was one the most difficult things that my mind strives to simplify.
I was lost! Totally in a no mans' land. I had no idea as to how much of myself reflected the city. Coming from a family which considerably shifted base, I couldn't really point to one particular city. I had lived in four cities over a period of 18 years. Legally speaking - my childhood! So I adopted an alternative, to identify as to how much my culture and my state affected me.
I belong to a state which is one of the most advanced regions in the world. The socio-economic index is arguably one the best worldwide. The best literacy rates, the best health care infrastructure and a not so bad economy. As my cousin rightly put it, the poorest of the poor had a bricked house as their shelter! The result, I never really comprehended poverty. I have never seen anybody struggle to get one times meal or cover their human self in a piece of fabric. Poverty in my terms meant not being able to secure materialistic luxuries! However, a sound education kept global reality in perspective.
Culture! One of the highly regarded, developed and most intricate, I grew up in society which treated women with highest regard. Fairly cosmopolitan with multi-religious and multi- ethnic people, tolerance and faith in faiths beyond self is something that I picked up. Being a matriarchal society, women has always been at the helm of affairs even before terms like feminism and women's right were coined. I cannot possibly imagine women not playing an active role in the society.
The high level of education in the society has imbibed in me a sense of high self respect and courage. Courage to stand up and speak for myself, my rights while not neglecting my duties. The peace and tranquility that surrounded helped me in solving crisis through brain rather than getting into physical rage.
It is interesting as to how much your city influences you. The ideals you uphold, the morality you carry, the work ethics, the approach to life, everything is evolved from the kind of upbringing you have had. And your upbringing is greatly influenced by the city.
Man makes the city and the city makes the man.
But, when I sat and thought about it... I remembered that what appears on the surface is not necessarily true. This was one the most difficult things that my mind strives to simplify.
I was lost! Totally in a no mans' land. I had no idea as to how much of myself reflected the city. Coming from a family which considerably shifted base, I couldn't really point to one particular city. I had lived in four cities over a period of 18 years. Legally speaking - my childhood! So I adopted an alternative, to identify as to how much my culture and my state affected me.
I belong to a state which is one of the most advanced regions in the world. The socio-economic index is arguably one the best worldwide. The best literacy rates, the best health care infrastructure and a not so bad economy. As my cousin rightly put it, the poorest of the poor had a bricked house as their shelter! The result, I never really comprehended poverty. I have never seen anybody struggle to get one times meal or cover their human self in a piece of fabric. Poverty in my terms meant not being able to secure materialistic luxuries! However, a sound education kept global reality in perspective.
Culture! One of the highly regarded, developed and most intricate, I grew up in society which treated women with highest regard. Fairly cosmopolitan with multi-religious and multi- ethnic people, tolerance and faith in faiths beyond self is something that I picked up. Being a matriarchal society, women has always been at the helm of affairs even before terms like feminism and women's right were coined. I cannot possibly imagine women not playing an active role in the society.
The high level of education in the society has imbibed in me a sense of high self respect and courage. Courage to stand up and speak for myself, my rights while not neglecting my duties. The peace and tranquility that surrounded helped me in solving crisis through brain rather than getting into physical rage.
It is interesting as to how much your city influences you. The ideals you uphold, the morality you carry, the work ethics, the approach to life, everything is evolved from the kind of upbringing you have had. And your upbringing is greatly influenced by the city.
Man makes the city and the city makes the man.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
A Fascination with Tragedy.
Tragedy. A set of events that has an immese potential to capture the attention of a fairly superficial being called man.
It is a real mystery as to why man has such a fascination with anything that is tragic. Our life is filled with tragedies... if not ours then of random people who has nothing to do with us. Open a newspaper and all you will see is dramatic versions of incidents which occured in some corner of the world. A photograph of a mother crying over her slain son... a daughter weeping for her murdered family.Go for a movie and again you see a million drops of tear shedding. Take a book and start reading and again we find ourself crying with the fictional calamities happening. Why is it that sadness, death and torture manage to affect the human phsyche so much while joy, birth and pleasure of life seemingly goes without much of an impact?
Is our life so depressing that we need to channelise the sorrow burried deep inside through the tragedy of others? Or rather is our life so blissful and happy that we need to know about the sorrows of others,so that we realise how blessed we are? Maybe it has to do with seasoning of our mind so that we can handle ourself effectively when calamities come knocking on our door.
Whatever, the reason for this fascination ; one thing is for sure: Tragedy is a billion dollar industry. The entire media industry thrives on it. News channels, movie makers, soap operas and authors; all use this human physche to the fullest. We cant blame them because business is after all business. They are only feeding to the demand of people.
The demand of people to see more and more of the greyer side of human existance. Who can deny the fact that the gruesome death of a character in a film did not influence his regard for the movie? For being more precise, let me take the movie "Munich" by Steven Spielberg. Would we all see the movie in same light if so much of death wasnt involved. I have to be frank here... the movie is where it is for its frank portrayal of the immensely gross tortureous death of the characters. We as humans somehow connect with tragedy. We are deeply disturbed by it and this disturbance makes us think. We think about ourself and start questioning our existence. We are reminded about the fears and uncertainity of life. We cry, shout and try to take out the frustration. And then we find an inner peace... if not for a life time, for a few seconds.
Man has a fascination for tragedy for it helps in keeping things in perspective.
It is a real mystery as to why man has such a fascination with anything that is tragic. Our life is filled with tragedies... if not ours then of random people who has nothing to do with us. Open a newspaper and all you will see is dramatic versions of incidents which occured in some corner of the world. A photograph of a mother crying over her slain son... a daughter weeping for her murdered family.Go for a movie and again you see a million drops of tear shedding. Take a book and start reading and again we find ourself crying with the fictional calamities happening. Why is it that sadness, death and torture manage to affect the human phsyche so much while joy, birth and pleasure of life seemingly goes without much of an impact?
Is our life so depressing that we need to channelise the sorrow burried deep inside through the tragedy of others? Or rather is our life so blissful and happy that we need to know about the sorrows of others,so that we realise how blessed we are? Maybe it has to do with seasoning of our mind so that we can handle ourself effectively when calamities come knocking on our door.
Whatever, the reason for this fascination ; one thing is for sure: Tragedy is a billion dollar industry. The entire media industry thrives on it. News channels, movie makers, soap operas and authors; all use this human physche to the fullest. We cant blame them because business is after all business. They are only feeding to the demand of people.
The demand of people to see more and more of the greyer side of human existance. Who can deny the fact that the gruesome death of a character in a film did not influence his regard for the movie? For being more precise, let me take the movie "Munich" by Steven Spielberg. Would we all see the movie in same light if so much of death wasnt involved. I have to be frank here... the movie is where it is for its frank portrayal of the immensely gross tortureous death of the characters. We as humans somehow connect with tragedy. We are deeply disturbed by it and this disturbance makes us think. We think about ourself and start questioning our existence. We are reminded about the fears and uncertainity of life. We cry, shout and try to take out the frustration. And then we find an inner peace... if not for a life time, for a few seconds.
Man has a fascination for tragedy for it helps in keeping things in perspective.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
A emotion called Love...
Love! Perhaps the most misunderstood, most misused and most cliched word that a language can ever produce. It seems like a simple word. Clear and straight forward. Ask anybody who is human, irrespective of their age you will hear that they all have loved. If not for atleast once. But, go a step further and introspect into their notion of love and we will start doubting. Is that really love?
Well, it is quite possible. What happens most of the time is that we base our perception on those literary wizards who give a surreal meaning to love. Not with others but with us as well. We want our life to be those flowery and bubbly love of the movies or want it to be straight out of the literature.
Literature has made love larger than life. They have made it so pure, so intense and out of the worldly feeling and on a totally different parallel it is impure and so worldly. Yes, literature itself is confused when it comes to love.
It is interesting to note how a single word is often used to describe an amalgamation of emotions. Often, it so happens that the word simply fails to capture the intense drama attached. It is to be taken for granted that love is just a theatrical play. It comes with its due course of ecstasy, laughter, fear, sadness and more. With a script that progresses and intensifies with time, we are just actors.
However, what need to be understood is that love after all is just an emotion. A master of all emotions. A emotion which has immense power over our abilty to laugh, to cry , to hate or to be in fear. But, no matter how much power this single emotion has, it comes and goes. The human mind is designed to do so. Nothing is static. Anger can come and go in seconds, the same anger can stay with us for a lifetime. It holds true for everything, including the most humanly emotion of love. So like all those plays out there, this also has to end wheter on a happy note or sad depends upon the actors involved.
So, let's ask once again and no matter what they say let's believe in their love. Pure, impure, superficial or intense, love after all is love.
Well, it is quite possible. What happens most of the time is that we base our perception on those literary wizards who give a surreal meaning to love. Not with others but with us as well. We want our life to be those flowery and bubbly love of the movies or want it to be straight out of the literature.
Literature has made love larger than life. They have made it so pure, so intense and out of the worldly feeling and on a totally different parallel it is impure and so worldly. Yes, literature itself is confused when it comes to love.
It is interesting to note how a single word is often used to describe an amalgamation of emotions. Often, it so happens that the word simply fails to capture the intense drama attached. It is to be taken for granted that love is just a theatrical play. It comes with its due course of ecstasy, laughter, fear, sadness and more. With a script that progresses and intensifies with time, we are just actors.
However, what need to be understood is that love after all is just an emotion. A master of all emotions. A emotion which has immense power over our abilty to laugh, to cry , to hate or to be in fear. But, no matter how much power this single emotion has, it comes and goes. The human mind is designed to do so. Nothing is static. Anger can come and go in seconds, the same anger can stay with us for a lifetime. It holds true for everything, including the most humanly emotion of love. So like all those plays out there, this also has to end wheter on a happy note or sad depends upon the actors involved.
So, let's ask once again and no matter what they say let's believe in their love. Pure, impure, superficial or intense, love after all is love.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Thoughts
Hmm... I already have a live and kicking blog in xanga. Then why am i here?? Well, Xanga's dezinerdreams is my LIFE and my take on things surrounding me in my immediate daily life.
I am here for i feel a necessity for me to break away.I need a place for me to go and indulge in the deepest corners of my mind. A place for me to explore myself and go a step further from this world.I am here to attach and dettach myself from life.
So heres my thoughts. Thoughts... so random, so weak, so powerful, so pure, so impure.
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