Of the "cultured" and the "mockers"!

In a rapidly globalising world, cultures are transcending its previously established borders and boundaries. Traditional customs and lifestyles of one are traveling and merging with its counterparts across the world. It is, in every respect an extremely healthy exercise with its subtle impacts on human behaviour. People across the world are consciously or otherwise inculcating the principle of tolerance and respect for others into them. However, what are the implications of this on a society like India which is undergoing a massive transformation. How and when does one start to differentiate that line between being "a person of culture" and "a idiotic mocker"?

It was Halloween and almost every 'Hip' clubs and lounges in New Delhi had a massively marketed "Halloween Bash" on their cards. The marketing strategists did a splendid job; almost every bash had active participation in spite of it being a weekday. What was interesting is the fact that a majority of the people had nothing to do with Halloween; a significant number did not even know what it was all about. Among these 'Hip' New Delhi crowd, Halloween was a mere excuse to party hard and get sloshed. All is fair when it comes to love and war and these days it seems to have extended into hardcore partying as well. In all fairness to the fun lovers; who cares what the occassion is as long as one gets to grind their asses and act crazy? Any excuse is good enough!

Going through a blog, it seemed really weird to hear a 20 something Mumbaikar ridicule her co-workers for not knowing about Halloween. An extract:

" I always cherished the thought of Halloween and desired to set out around my neighborhood trick-or-treating! But alas the concept is far too lost in this country!

Hello-ween? Woh kya hota kai? (What is that?)

Bastid (Bastard), it's me saying "Hello Wieners" to all those who don't know what Halloween really is!"

Does knowing about a festival which have no connotations in ones culture make a person better than someone who is ignorant about it? Or is this ridicule coming from a misplaced arrogance? Arrogance groomed out of an attitude where one is considered 'cooler' or 'happening' if they follow cultures other than ones own. In the Indian context, the term 'Western' or 'American' would suffice.

On multiple occasions, this misplaced notion of 'coolness' have lead to extreme situations where people shun their traditions and cultures to embrace others. There is no harm in celebrating other cultures; we are a global world and all cultures should be embraced open handedly, but not at the cost of ones own. One must learn to respect and embrace ones own culture before going berserk on others and this is where the "mockers" are weeded out.

So the next time you head out to celebrate something; think about why you want to celebrate it. For this world is of the "cultured" and of the "mockers"!

Of Prince Charming and Cinderellas??

I read somewhere recently that relationships and marriages are nothing but a mere contract of terms and conditions mutually accepted and agreed upon.

Is the world finally accepting life for what it is? Is people willing to finally let go of the Utopian concepts about love, relationships and marriage? Has the age of people strongly rooted in the realties of life arrived?

Probably its because of the fact that the current generation have come from families which have seen the zeniths of dysfunction. They have grown up seeing and probably analysing the workings of a relationship; making them an effective authority.

What makes a relationship last? Is it just ever lasting love or love coupled with the ability to thread a common ground whilst making mutual compromises?

I have always believed that there is no Prince Charming; neither is there a virtuous Princess awaiting rescue. However, there are people, normal people, who have their shortcomings in life. Sometimes these people with shortcomings can make a relationship perfect by accepting their drawbacks. Thats when a normal mundane life becomes a fairy tale of love and magic.

How many times have you watched a couple and wondered how they manage to be so happy? You just can't understand, what they see in each other. People sometimes manage to surprise you; relations which you thought wouldn't last a week would endure a lifetime and vice versa. What makes a relationship tick?

A relationship endures time when the people involved are aware of what works for them. They know whats good for them, whats not and when neither can be arrived upon they take the middle ground and agree to disagree. Cracks in a relationship appear when people involved expect it to be a smooth ride; when people expect everything to function without any hindrance.
Expectations can crumble a relationship even if it had begun on a note of strong deep love.

Relationships are very much like children, it requires a lot of attention and proper care. It needs to be nurtured and guided to reach a level of maturity. Each decision you make along the way can leave a profound impact. Sometimes, people learn from mistakes and alter their course while others don't. And unless they learn to do so, their relationships will be like a bad seed; beyond repair and deemed to be worthless.

It is a humongous task to make a relationship survive and that exactly is the beauty of it.Those who are too weak and cowardly let it fail and back out from the promises they make; for they are afraid to take challenges. They would rather waste their life hoping for their Prince or Princess to come to their rescue than face the realties of life.

It takes a lot of courage, understanding and dedication to make the institutions of love last; and thats when the Utopian concepts come alive in the form of reality. It is these people who are strongly rooted and aware of the workings of a relationship that makes a Prince Charming or Cinderella.

So lets learn, understand and accept love and its institutions; while strongly grounded to this earth instead of being in a fairytale Far Far Away.

Infidelity

Infidelity. On a normal context it would comprise of marital disloyalty; adultery. But have you ever thought about infidelity in the larger context? Infidelity in the terms of the mind?

This is something which has got my mind working for quiet a while.

When I am talking about infidelity of the mind, there are two aspects of it.

One aspect is infidelity in its normal sense, where it is sexual in nature. But unlike the usual scenario, this is sexual yet not physical.

How many times have this happened that you see a absolutely drop dead gorgeous person and you just can't help but get those mundane areas of the brain kick into active frenzy of fantasies? You may not do anything physical about it, but would it be still infidelity? To think about anyone other than your beau in a sexual manner? Is it adultery of the mind? Or is adultery just adultery when physical contact is made?

Another take of the same scenario is even more baffling. This situation is common in relationships where the sexual chemistry is disastrous. But as love making is quintessential for the survival of a relationship, the person has no choice but to fantasize about others in bed when making love to their beau. I would say that this is the worst case of infidelity. But, the other person in the relationship may not be even aware of it. Even if he is, would this be eligible to be classified as infidelity? Fantasizing somebody other than your beau in bed?

The second aspect of infidelity of the mind is something which fascinates me and gets me probing. This has nothing sexual about it. This aspect is in every sense what actual infidelity of the mind is all about. When you get so close to a person, that you would discuss things of utmost importance with them, but would find it unnecessary to do the same with your beau. Would this be grounds fair enough for infidelity?

When you think about this, it is something which happens quite on a normal basis actually. Hardly anybody considers this as infidelity, simply for the fact that they don't think of it as adulterous which in turn is unfair a ground to be accused of infidelity as per its definition. But, I seriously believe that people should think about it deeply and answer.

I believe that fidelity of the mind is much more important than fidelity of the body. After all, a relationship is primarily a connection of two minds. The physicality is just an expression of this connection; isn't it?

When two people are in love, it said that they should share their body, mind and soul. So why is it that disloyalty in only one element of it namely the body is considered as infidelity?

Infidelity is infidelity. Period.

A friend, a lover, a friend?

Have you ever had a friend with whom you shared everything under the roof? A friend with whom you shouted with joy, cried your heart out, criticised more than appreciated? If so, how many times have you confused deep intense friendship as love?

It is to be taken for granted that no two people can remain best friends without love. Many a times, it so happens that one confuses the love we have as a friend as the love of lovers. It is also true that at some point of time, we did see our friends as a potential lover. It is highly unlikely that you haven't had a crush on your best friend. But whether things didn't work out for various reasons and the friendship remained just friendship is a different matter.

I firmly believe that a lover can never be your best friend and your best friend can never be your lover. There will always be things you definitely wouldn't be comfortable talking about with your lover; particularly if the matter concerns them. At the same time there are things which you can never tell your friend but can comfortably talk about with your lover. It is almost impossible to merge the both into a single being as both have different purposes in life.

I am not saying that best friends can never turn into lovers. On the contrary, the probability of them turning into lovers is extremely high. However, the minute they turn into your lover, they begin loosing their status as the best friend. The post of the best friend would slowly be occupied by another close friend. For, if your lover is your best friend, I believe the romance would end there. Whats even worse would be the fact that there would be no relationship counselor!!

Even tough a lover and a best friend is two sides of the same coin, they are two different sides! A lover is a lover and a best friend is a best friend. Period.